I might be white, but I am FAR from privileged

Today, while in my favorite Grocery Store, I had a real jolt happen to me. 

I was in the Deli looking for their premade Club Sandwiches (because they make them with this cajun turkey, organic lettuce, hawaiian buns, creole mustard, and bacon) when I heard from behind me "privileged white bitch... need to move her ass ... taking her time like a stupid white bitch does". I turn to see a black female behind me looking angry as she could possibly look, cutting me in half with her eyes. She said what she said previously under her breath but loud enough I could hear it. I am not a person who takes shit from ANYONE but I am not a person that causes a scene either so I just walked away choosing to be the bigger person between us. 

As I sit here and type this though, I am infuriated. I think I am more enraged by what she said than she was about me not moving out of her way. 

I wasn't raised to be racist. I never had a reason to be racist. I have known LOTS of decent black people through the years and I have had my share (and then some) of the worst of the black community. 

I was raised in Selma, Alabama where the HEART of the Civil Rights Movement began. I guess that is why most of my life the black people there SHAME the white people for the generations before us that segregated them. I was raised to have PRIDE in being a Southerner. I never looked at the Confederate Battle Flag to mean "SLAVERY", I thought above all it meant Southern Pride. I understand the history of Slavery having researched the Civil War thoroughly in my teen years. I never try to disrespect anyone for the color of their skin... 

yet, I constantly have gotten disrespected for the color of mine. 

I am a poor white girl. I have no money and am disabled. I am not proud to be disabled, I was MADE disabled from neglect of a previous marriage and the health issues that arose from that (but that's a whole entirely different story). I don't get much. I feel like I get less than I should though and not because of privilege making me think that but me thinking the system ITSELF isn't correct in the value it places on human life, times of struggle, and overall need of a human being. 

Now, having said that, being told I am "PRIVILEGED" because my skin is WHITE really pisses me off. I get treated like shit from WHITE people who think they are better than me cause they are not on food stamps and disability like me. I get treated like shit from black people just because my skin is white. I am FAR from privileged. Never have I ever felt like I was OWED any respect that I don't give out on a daily basis. When I was younger (ages 8 to 18) I always shared anything I had with people who were not as fortunate as me despite their race, sex, or religion. I have never EVER been one to judge someone on those principles, yet, I get judge on them every day for all of my life. 

It's sickening. It's stupid. It's wrong. 

As a child I felt shame for being white. I shouldn't have had to feel that. Not then and NOT now. I also felt shame for my parents having a little money (we were NOT rich but well provided for). I shouldn't have had to feel THAT then nor should I have to feel shame now for being on disability and food stamps. 

People do what we can to survive. I paid my dues years ago and lost a lot over the years (even as far as losing my life - I died then was revived). In no way to I think I am better than ANYONE but I can say this RIGHT NOW, I am not beneath one mother fucker on this planet. I am happy with who I am. I am not ashamed that I am WHITE. I am not ashamed of what happened in my past that has put me in the disabled situation I am in today. 

What I am ashamed of is my fellow man/woman judging people on skin color, looks, religion, sex, and sins of the past that had NOTHING to do with the person they are judging. People have gotten so caught up in looking down their noses at other that they have forgotten where they came from and how to have compassion for anyone that isn't THEM. 

This is how we become DIVIDED. 

When will people wake up and see that it doesn't matter what color skin you have, what you believe in, what your sexual preface is... what matters is that you are a living, breathing human being capable of love, compassion, and kindness. People use the opposite of this way too much by showing violent tendencies, hate, racism, and cruelty towards their fellow man. 

This world is becoming a dark place... we need more people to shine lights and fight back the darkness. Will you be a light? or will you let the darkness consume you completely?