Impending Doom of an over Mayo'ed Sub Sandwich

On September 14th I ordered four deli subs from Publix. Two for me, Two for Dooms. Dooms got a whole Nashville Hot on white with Pepper Jack and lettuce, then his 2nd sub was a Boar's Head Ultimate on white with green peppers, pepper jack cheese, and lettuce. Mine were both the same, whole Boar's Head Ultimate on wheat with Mayo, Cucumbers, tomatoes, and black pepper and please include extra cucumbers. 

When I opened the mine both of them were on white. And I just said "whatever", "I don't care I'm going to eat them it doesn't matter if they're not on wheat".

So what usually happens is the subs are cut in half so we'll use one half for a meal and another half for another meal... then our second sub will be one meal and the last half is another meal. We can get two meals off one whole sub.

What happened was on the first sub I ate I opened it up everything looks good from the outside... my ass did not bother to look inside which I should have and I took a bite and it had a whole jar of damn mayonnaise just flopped on the bread. So much mayonnaise it made me sick. Now usually they're pretty good about not overloading mayonnaise but this was like somebody just opened a damn jar and threw it on the piece of bread and the funny thing was the other half of that same sub wasn't like that nor was the other two halves of the second sub... it was only that one half. They didn't do extra cucumbers and they didn't do black pepper on any of it... But that's beside the point.

All of that mayonnaise made me so sick. Something happened and it kicked up my heart. And then I started having bad anxiety attacks and along with the anxiety came the whole impending doom from a heart attack anxiety attacks and I couldn't even close my eyes cuz I was afraid I wouldn't wake up. So for like 3 or 4 days I didn't sleep hardly at all, I hardly ate anything cuz I was so nauseated and my heart wouldn't let me. I had heart palpitations really bad anxiety attacks. I felt like this was probably the end for me.

I couldn't breathe and my asthma took over, nose clogged up due to allergies... it was a huge mess and I thought I was done. This was it... I'm dead. It got so bad that I actually made an appointment with the cardiologist which I haven't seen a cardiologist in years.

I sat around thinking I was dying.

So yea I said hiatus... but I am gradually getting better. I feel a while lot better today than I have felt in a LONG time. 

So what made me feel better?

I took a laxative (didn't really poop much though, I know, tmi 😂), I spent some outside time reflecting, and I've been watching a lot of religious stuff.

I found a way to battle my anxiety especially the ones that crushed me with the impending doom... as long as I can distract myself with music that makes me happy and not think too much, I'm usually okay. If I get in my head too much though the anxiety comes back and it's crippling.

Another there's some people that read this blog that are all like hoping that I drop dead and that I feel all this bad shit... I know that. And you can just put those bad vibes back in your pockets cause they don't work here sister/brother.

I also know that there's a lot of people rooting for me in the background, wanting to see me overcome all the obstacles that are thrown in my way. I know who you are and thank you.

I also know that my cats are always there to help me and ancestors got my back. I know that I'm being watched over. Thankful for that.

I'm going to keep my cardiology appointment which isn't till November which is the earliest they can see me and I'm going to discuss the medications with the cardiologists that originally saved my life back in 2012. And then I'm going to talk to them about the fact that the anxiety hurts my heart and how I can have some kind of backup plan in case things go south with anxiety.

I remember my dad having bad anxiety attacks (depression , PTSD, anxiety, all from Vietnam) and how he'd have to get out and drive because that's the only way he can get out of his head. 

I can't afford to get out and drive like that especially with the gas prices so I have to find something else and right now it's music which is good but what happens if that doesn't work? I have to have backup plans and contingency plans put in place for the inevitable and the what ifs.

But to end this on a good note I am feeling much better. I'm not having as many anxiety attacks or heart palpitations I'm still very stuffed up in my head and my breathing is a little messed up because goldenrods are blooming outside and they always kicks up my allergies and Asthma at this time of year. 

Otherwise I'm doing a lot better than what I was 2 days ago when I thought I was probably going to die.